Today is the first day of spring, 2012. As the pollen falls and bursting buds imbue the world with color and fragrance, I’m contemplating my future. This is day two of my latest round of scans, the windows into my body and the prognosticators of my chances for survival.
One hour in a clacking, thumping, thrumming MRI machine. One hour, in between bags of fluids force fed into my vein, and then the wait. I think Dr. Mike Gorum, one of my neurosurgeon spinal structural engineers, is as anxious as I am to see this round of scans. If Mike and John Cabelka have killed this tumor, I have a great chance to live with this cancer diagnosis. If the tumor is still growing, my chances for a good quality of life for the remainder of my life are slim.
The scans today are going to tell that tale. I want to see the end of that tale. If my life was a book, I’d flip over to the end to see how the next few months are going to play out. I plan on this first day of this spring being the first day of my life’s spring. The good news that I’ll get today, or some day soon, will be the bellwether of just how far into the future I’m going to be allowed to get.
I’m not afraid. I feel like the bumper sticker I’ve seen on trucks driven by obvious rednecks: “I ain’t skeered!” I was talking to a cancer “sister” the other day, extolling the virtues of a small dose of an antidepressant — in my case, Celexa — as a vital part of living with cancer. Without noticeable side effects, my edges are rounded. I can walk straight toward this thing that is trying to kill me without fear or trepidation. People tell me I’m brave. They say I’m a shining example of how to live with cancer. I’m just being the only way I know how to be. I think Dr. Pippas’ urging me to take the Celexa has been so important in my overall comfort, despite my awareness that there are malevolent forces at work inside me.
The love of a good wife and good sons and the arms of my community enfold me as I watch the liquid drip into my arm and contemplate the walk down the hall to be slid into that tube of medical magic. Please pray for good news for us today. I have the feeling that this day is my life as a balanced apothecary scale. The right news today would slip enough weight into the “Good” side to tip me toward good life.
It is so good to feel like writing again. Thanks for going with me.
Melanie says
Hey Pumpkin,
I’ll be thinking about you today. Thanks for being a good husband to my sister. We are all grateful to have you in our family :). Stay strong and know that you are loved!
Hugs and Kisses
Margie Ivey says
So sorry you have to worry and deal with this, but hoping and praying for good news!! 🙂
Jack Basset says
I promise from this day forward to never again complain about the changes in my health condition and minor discomforts that growing old brings. Mike, I’m very glad to have you as a friend. Let’s go ride the airport dam.
Ellen B. says
Mike, Prayin for you, especially today!!!
Rachel Crumbley says
Continue the good fight! Praying for you!
Kathy Jenkins says
Hi Mike,
Hope you can put this “nuisance” in the rearview mirror as I did or hope I did. So far so good for me,no evidence since 2004 anyway. I know what a roller coaster it can be but looks like you took the first seat and are hanging in there with your hands in the air. Keep them there!
With love and prayers,
Kathy Jenkins
Forsyth, GA
Linda Willoughby says
Hello Mike,
I love your writing. Your words to my heart and mind. Do you remember the stories I used to tell you and Jill when ya’ll were in PC and I was a free lancer. I’ve decided to write a book. So far I have two working titles – Still looking for Mr. Right at 64 OR I Grew Up in Alabama and Woke Up in California. So far the majority likes the 2nd one. One cousin commented that there are already too many ‘finding Mr. Right’ books out there. Of course, I’m not giving lessons on finding (or I would have found by now) but it’s just about the journey. I would like to say the same to you – it is about your journey. I love to read your blog because you inspire me to be stronger, braver, sweeter, kinder, and a better person. I am a better person for knowing you and Jill. I will be praying for good news today.
Love ya, Linda
Tripp Wade says
Mike,I will be thinking and praying for you today.I hope that this first day of spring will bring you good news !
Phil Dalton says
Hello Mike,
I will be praying for you today with the hope of good news.
David Toney says
Hoping that this day ends with great news for you. And many years from now as we continue to read your most recent post, we will remember this beginning day of Spring as a major turning point for you and your family. Prayers being lifter up for you right now.
Molly Walker says
Our prayers are with you!
Debbie & David Harrell says
Praying for good news today. Think of you and Jill often.
Paul says
Hey Buddy, Praying and sending positive vibs your way. Keep up the fight! Hey how come only one picture?
Dianne Henry says
Mike,
We are praying for you to have the perfect outcome today and that your days are many and continue to be blessed.
Love and prayers,
D & J
Beth and Bob Martin says
Mike,
Praying for great news on your test today.
Bob & Beth
ginny says
I bet I’m not the only one who is glad you feel like writing! You are able to bring such joy as we read about your journey, which, in turn, deepens my faith and hope and belief that your reports today will spell VICTORY! That drum circle’s waitin’ on ya!
Laura says
Mike,
Praying for you today!
Laura
Carter Seaton says
Mike,
You and Jill have been on our church’s prayer list for months. Even though we are Presbyterians, it’s gotta count for something.
Love you, Carter and Richard
admin says
Carter, if you and Richard are Presbyterians, you should be able to tell how this is going to turn out.
Cathy Alford says
Mike,
Three blogs from you in 2 days? Wow! I feel like I went to the candy store and indulged. I always smile when I read your blogs – even when they are sad. I smile because of how you inspire others even through your pain. Thank you for calling us your friends and allowing us to journey with you.
May you receive the best news you desire to hear.
Cathy
Hope Phillips says
Haven’t stopped hoping or praying and won’t —
Sandy Gunnels says
Praying especially hard today!
Lisa Kelly says
Mike, that Angel is still on your shoulder no matter what. I can’t tell you how much you and Jill have been in my thoughts and prayers. Praying really hard today! I appreciate so much your updates….Lisa
Patti Trotter says
I pray everyday that YOU will be in that 15 percent.