In an effort to continue to drop digital insight (for my brothers and sisters in the kidney cancer club) about my methodical return from the pits of hell, there is more to report. All of it is good. We spent a nice, long doctor visit yesterday with Dr. Raj Alappan, my nephrologist. Strainer (for those who don’t know, my remaining kidney, which was named in an online contest on my blog) continues to improve. All my numbers relating to GFR, glomerular filtration rate; creatinine; blood pressure; A1C and all other issues with Strainer are either stable, improved or in the case of one important indicator, dramatically improved. Those visits with doctors to receive results from labs, scans or tests are full of tension that just takes a while to slough off.
Yesterday was a good day.
A little over a month ago, I mentioned that I intended to wean myself off the 20mg of Celexa I have been taking daily for almost six years. So it began — I took 10mg for two weeks and 5mg for two weeks and I was free of any daily dose six days ago. I can testify about newly-found clarity, sharpening senses, a greater enjoyment of my work and the ability to feel, without those feelings being filtered through a Celexa scrim.
The returning ability to take a full-frontal emotion head-on was tested today. I continue to get comments every day about my blog post “Sad Display of Bullying at Last Night’s MCSD Board Meeting.” During my conversation with every single one of these folks, I have asked them if they’ve ever been bullied. The ones who have, get a certain look in their eye. The become smaller. They still feel the sting of the encounter, even if it happened a long time ago. Even if it happened in 1958 in the bathroom of East Highlands Elementary School. I grew up on 20th Street, in East Highlands, until my maternal grandparents were both killed in a car crash near Chattsworth, Ga. My family moved into their home on Britt David Road, in front of the Columbus Metropolitan Airport, where my parents still live.
I will never forget the sound of that door being slammed open against the wall and how my kindergarten five-year-old self felt when I was confronted by a covey of sweaty sixth graders. They pushed me around. They threatened me. They frightened me. My recollection of the incident included somehow having my mom come to school to discuss what I had been through. She’ll likely weigh in on her remembrance, if that story was even worthy of being remembered. Telling the story now makes me sound like a little sniveling wimp but I won’t forget it as long as I have a memory.
An aside: Monday, September 14 at 6 p.m. will be the next regularly scheduled MCSD board meeting. That will be a great opportunity for you to go to a board meeting and show your support for our board, Superintendent Dr. David Lewis, his cabinet and all the educators and employees of our public school system.
Today at my Wednesday Rotary Club of Columbus meeting, the Muscogee Educational Excellence Foundation (MEEF) Teacher of the Year Sheryl Green was our speaker. Her well-written, emotional, powerfully delivered speech was one of the best Rotary speeches of my 18 years of Rotary. Most of the people at my table wiped up tears, as Sheryl talked about her Jordan High School misfit soccer team. Her stories were tear jerkers, full of the love of a great educator and broken, hard young students, many of whom didn’t hear the words, “I love you.” Ever.
Except when their coach look them in their eyes and told them just that. “I love you.” Some responded and others turned a deaf ear because they weren’t taught how to hear and accept those words.
I didn’t know what to do about myself with tears coming out of all four corners of my eyes. If you get the chance to hear or read Sheryl Green (she has a column every Wednesday in the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer), run toward her. She has a powerful story to tell and she is damn good at telling it.
Back at the office after Rotary, I took a look at my Facebook account and saw a request for prayers for Shannon Burgess, the daughter of a childhood friend of mine, Linda Parks Smith. Shannon is out at M. D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Tex. in the fight of her life. I touched my keyboard and felt the tears flow for the second time today. I wanted Linda and Shannon to know that I was sending my love to them as only a survivor can experience and give. Something about talking to others in a cancer fight makes my memories rise up. I feel so connected to them and so many others who are in all the stages of cancer from recently-diagnosed to tough battle scarred cancer veterans. Sliding back into a conversation that dredged up some of the bad times was a deeply emotional experience for me today. Please remember Shannon and Linda and their families in your prayers. They need them right now.
The tears got next to me. Enough to wonder if I’m emotionally stable enough to do without the medicine. I suspect all cancer survivors are left with their own demons to deal with. Mine were a healthy depth from the surface, in light of the exceedingly tender subjects that I have been a part of seeing, hearing and experiencing today.
Today was a good day.
Susan Wiggins says
Hi, Mike! Once again you’ve reached out to me with your Blog with your never ending optimism and courage just exactly when I needed you to. The first time you spoke to me was six years ago one morning about 1:00 A.M. two days before my first cancer surgery in Birmingham at UAB. I was sitting in the dark at my computer and I read your Blog sharing your fight with such courage. I was more afraid than I would admit to anyone, including myself, and the tears streamed down my face. You helped me get a grip and to deal with my situation aggressively. Tonight I’m in bed in the dark wide awake and restless because tomorrow morning is six months since my last visit to the John B. Amos Cancer Center which means it’s time to go in for a “follow-up”. I’m not afraid, but I’m anxious. After all, if there was absolutely nothing to worry about, I wouldn’t have to go back! Reading your eloquent words reminded me not to waste time traveling down the negative scenario path. This bend in the road for me has taught me to embrace each day with zest. I absolutely plan to live life until I die. Thanks for reminding me that tomorrow is going to be a good day!! Good night!
Allison Owen says
Thank you, Mikey, for another heartfelt column. You’re one of my heroes. Tears are good!
Tripp Wade says
Mike, once again you are spot on!
I not only enjoy your writing of your blog, I envy how you share your thoughts and feelings. You and Jill have been a source of inspiration to me and to so many others. When the big C word comes into your life it can be devastating. Like so many challenges we are presented in life you have to make some very difficult decisions on how to face them. You have chosen to be a true fighter and you are winning!!! We are proud of you and for you !!!
In regards to Sheryl Green at Rotary today, she did a terrific job! She is not only an amazing teacher, but a true leader on and off the soccer field. It was refreshing to hear her story. I will certainly be looking forward to reading her articles on Wednesdays!!!
Shannon Croft says
You’re my very definition of “hero”. I love and respect you so much. I’m glad to know you.
Shannon
Mint Flowers says
Thank you Mike for keeping it real. You are a such an inspiration! Your heartfelt articles are such a joy to read. Thank you for sharing. My best to you and Jill.
Chuck Hasty says
Mike, Thank you for being raw, real, authentic, honest, you. You bless me and many. Keep on! P.S. Sheryl was great and your Rotary talk wasn’t so bad either. 😉
Eric Maddox says
Mike, I’ve never had much reason to feel sorry for myself, but if I’m ever tempted to lean in that direction concerning my encounter with cancer, all I have to do is remember that blog about your six-year odyssey. You are an inspiration and a model, a paragon of character and fortitude! Thank you!
Marianne Cashman says
Congrats on the good news at the doctor Mike! Yippee!
As far as the bullying issue…I had a horrible experience in sixth grade….unfortunately I did not have supportive parents and the incident shaped how I thought about myself for,years and years. One girls in my sixth grade class thought her “boyfriend” liked me, so she made up lies and convinced about 90% of the sixth grade to sign a hate letter saying they all hated me! I was ugly! and I should never come back to school. Some of my best “friends” signed it. From then on, my self esteem was in the hole. Middle and high school were tough, as I always felt sub par to the popular kids…..it was a scar I carried for many years until I went to therapy for it in my forties.
It still hurts if I stop to really think about it.
Lisa Kelly says
WOW, so insightful, honest and profound. You and Jill both never cease to amaze me. You are dearly loved by all. If you both are ever in Auburn, make sure and look us up! War Eagle! Lisa
Callie says
I think it’s great that you are regaining clarity and feeling the full force of your feelings. It may be a little overwhelming for a while, but I bet you’ll settle back into your version of normal before long. Just think, it could be worse. You could cry as much as I do, and I’m not coming off meds or dealing with a major illness. I just came this way. Full disclosure: I teared up reading your blog about crying.