This post is a stream of consciousness update. Please excuse the lack of my usual attention to the conventions of acceptable language and grammar. I’m banging this one out. Dr. Pippas walked into our exam room this afternoon at about a quarter ’til 6 and we got down to business. I think today was our longest clinical conversation of the entire 8 years of our doctor patient relationship. This brilliant, good man has never disappointed me. He called us late last night with the sole purpose of giving us a night of good rest in advance of our meeting today. He knew a word from him and the better-than-we-thought-it-would-be news about my latest wrasslin’ match with kidney cancer.
We talked for over 40 minutes, not rushed, open to our questions about what we’re dealing with, what courses of action we could see coming, how to beat it again. His usual greeting, a pitch-ascending, “Michael” then he tips his head back, engaging his bifocals to get a sharp look into my eyes. He gets right in there, knowing the eyes are the window to one’s soul. I answered back, “Andrew,” and thanked him for being the kind of physician who calls a worried patient after a brutal day at the office seeing no telling how many other worried people.
I know we’re special to him, too. We have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds together, to date avoiding life-altering, permanent physical debilitation. I’ve had multiple surgeries (left kidney radical nephrectomy, lymph nodes, corpectomy of L2 spinal vertebra, laminectomy (8 weeks later) from L2-L5, thyroidectomy, knee scope, 32 grays of radiation beams and countless hundreds of needle sticks, claustrophobic rides in giant metal tubes, gallons of barium, bucketsful of pharmaceuticals. Yep. I knew early that my job was to stay alive until something that can cure me comes along. Already there are many more drugs than were available in mid-May, 2009. We have choices, based on my case.
I made a decision on June 9, 2009 to write our way through this. Last time I tried to measure my writing output, I was north of 300,000 words. I tried to tell the story the way it went down. From December 5, 2010: “Back From the Snake Pit.”
I wanted to leave electronic breadcrumbs for the ones coming behind me. Kidney Cancer is a tough diagnosis. Faith in God, trust in your medical team, support from your friends, understanding creditors, a rock-solid marriage, children who tested us as parents, but who are always present, and loving, and engaged in our familyness. Those four sons possess characteristics that indicate our every prayer for them to be smart, kind men has been granted. What a blessing it has been to have spent relatively few hours of our lifetime as parents worrying that one of them had gone off the rails and were going down a bad road. Today I realized with complete clarity how much more difficult these last 8 years would have been if one or more of them had gone bad.
“Make good choices.”
My spine is being attacked by an aggressive, fast-growing renal cell carcinoma metastasis in my L1 vertebra. The screw that Dr. Michael Gorum put there on August 19, 2011 during spinal fusion surgery is now embedded in this new tumor. Regardless of what procedure/medication is used to kill the tumor, I will imminently require another spine surgery with longer hardware that can bridge up into my thoracic vertebrae in search of solid bone that will hold a screw. We haven’t met with Dr. Gorum yet, so this is our and Dr. Pippas’ discussion about what will be needed. The tumor has broken through the outer lining of the vertebra and my spine is dangerously unstable at the moment. No horseback riding he says. Don’t fall he says. Some quick decisions need to be made and we need them to be the right decisions. No pressure.
Tomorrow I’ll send several packets of information to several kidney cancer specialists for an independent review and some remarks on how they’d recommend we proceed. Thank you Dena Battle and KCCure. At this moment, I’m not sure where treatment will take place. If we can do it here, we’ll be at Midtown Medical and the John B. Amos Cancer Center. If we need to travel anywhere but outer space, we’ll be traveling. We’ll be praying for the right people to be placed in our path. At this moment, more so than at any other crossroads of my medical life, we will be in a state of complete faith, untethered, but not unhinged. Enveloped in God’s arms with an army behind us.
We’ll see Dr. P in 10 days. The plan will be in place by then. We left Andy’s office today encouraged by his soothing words, his sincere grief for our plight and his heartfelt hope, conveyed in looks, hugs and purposeful touch. I love him for what he has done for me and for our family. I still have both of my parents and I hate cancer for flipping our lives upside down. Jill’s mom, Betty Owens has had to live with losing a son, and because we have sons, I can imagine the emotions that our parents are living with. This isn’t the way it should ever be. It hurts too much. I want to live so that my when my parents leave this world, they will leave it without ever having known what losing a son feels like.
I want this post to speak to Ann and John: Thank you for giving me everything I needed to make it to today. You have given Eric and me a good name, a joyful home, the gift of your strong marriage and spiritual, financial and emotional support in good times and bad times. There will more good times. I’m sure of it.
Jill is by my side. Always. When she grabs my hand will her thumb or mine be on the outside?
Let’s go write our next chapter.
Cindi says
Praying for wisdom and discernment for your medical team that they will find the exact and precise course that will beat back this latest battle with cancer.
Karen Spears Zacharias says
Mike & Jill: Wrapping you all in hugs and prayers and a faith that ensures we are never alone in the darkest of days. Love to you both.
Pat Jackson Bass says
Mike, you have a strength that has been embeded in you from your faith, Jill strength while walking this path with you, your parents have sent it thru veins by the have parented you, your boys, other family & the huge circle of friends! We all have watched take those steps that you had to take years ago thru a similar battle of survival & you did it & you were awesome, you have that special strength to overcome the fight that you face!With God beside you, I know you are going to get to where He wants you to be. I admire you so much for your post, they are sincere, they are reality, but they are full of inspiration & encouragement to all of us, you are our hero. My heart & prayers will continue for you & Jill without ceasing. Love to both of you❤️❤️
Sandy Gunnels says
Praying as always for discernment and complete healing. Love y’all!!
Margie Ivey says
Continued prayers for you and Jill as you battle this and win. Blessings, hugs and love!
Kim Rozycki says
God bless you Mike! You and Jill have really been through trials and I can’t even imagine what you are feeling now! I will be praying for you and the Doctors! Thanks for sharing and being so transparent! You are truly inspirational! You can beat this!
Brenda French says
Thanks for sharing your story. As a nurse I can tell you sometimes I lose faith in the healthcare system but your encouraging words that there are a few good people out there making the late night calls and spending the time looking into your eyes gives this old nurse hope for us all. You have taken the steering wheel in your journey and this is what all people should do. We should not wait until we are handed the bad news. But should go into each appointment no matter how routine with the knowledge it is the patient who is the decision maker. We rely on the subject matter experts to guide us. Prayers for you and your family.
Patti Trotter says
Fervent prayers for you and Jill, John and Ann, and your medical team. You continue to be an inspiration. ❤️
Virginia says
Mike and Jill;
Our prayers are for healing and strength.
Remember you have a family that will always be there to help and support you. So proud of you .
We love y’all
Cindy & Neal
Tripp Wade says
Mike, thank you for keeping us informed ! I continue to pray that God will once again make sure you are guided in the best direction for a full recovery. Stay strong and know that you can beat this ! We will continue to pray for you and Jill, and your family.
Michael Silverstein says
Mike, as I told you yesterday we love you and keep you in our prayers constantly. We ask that G-d provide you with healing of soul and healing of body, soon, speedily, and without delay. You are blessed to have Jill, your sons, your parents, all your relatives, your friends, and your caregivers by your side. Given your incredible disposition “There will be more good times.”
Love,
Susan & Michael
Brian Anderson says
Mike,
Know that you are dearly loved by a loving heavenly father, your family, and your friends. None of us know why bad things happen to good people. But through faith, hope, and love, all of us can endure more than we think we can. You are living breathing proof of that. We are here for you through this battle and any other that may come – just as we take comfort you (and Jill) would be there for us.
Love you my friend!
Brian and Heather
Richard Nurnberg says
Mike,
You and Jill are, as always, in Amy’s and my thoughts and prayers……battle on!
Dick Nurnberg
Jo McDaniel says
I love you and I care. You will have my prayers in the clouds of them going heavenward. Thank you for your updates. It can’t let us be any closer to what you feel, because non of us can claim that, but it helps draw us closer.
Jo
Eddie Reid says
Nancy and I will be with you on this journey as we always have been with you on you journey for the past 9 years,we will do what you need us to do. God is always with you and so are our prayers.
We love you.
Judy Walsh says
Faith. Hope. Love. It looks like you’ve got them all covered! Thank you for keeping us posted so we can zero in on prayers for you, Jill and medical staff as you face these mind boggling decisions.
Mamie Pound says
Sending love and prayers from us. Stay strong in your faith and know that you are loved.
Dot says
Still praying Ephesians 3:20 and for strength, encouragement and PEACE while you wait.
Eric Maddox says
Your bravery, perseverance and fortitude expressed in your writing is an inspiration to anyone fortunate enough to read it, especially those of us affected by one form or another of cancer. I share your appreciation and admiration for Dr. Pippas and the wonderful cadre of nurses at the Amos Cancer Center.
Shannon Davis says
Thank you for continuing to share your story. Heartfelt prayers to you, your family and your medical team a you wage war once again.
Mike Owen says
Love and prayers to you and Jill. Much love and many prayers.
Judy Talley says
Once again, Mike, I will be one of your strong prayer warriors. Your own faith, positive attitude, and prayers will carry you to good health once again. I’m so sorry you find yourself in a position of having to battle this nasty disease again. Lean on our Lord and stay strong, my friend! Love you and Jill.
Cathy Bickerstaff says
You have an incredible story, Mike, of faith, optimism and exceptional doctors. I think of Jeremiah 29:11 for God has plans to prosper you. We are so sorry you have to face this terrible disease again, however we know you are a fighter, and attitude means so much. We have been praying and will certainly continue for healing and comfort.
Cathy & Rennie
Amy Ward says
Rob and I are praying for you, Jill, your family, Dr. Pippas, decisions, protocol, wisdom, discernment, and grace with great faith!
Linda Willoughby says
Mike and Jill, I continue to love you and am lifting you both up in prayer. I pray that you will be comforted and that you can feel the many prayers lifting you up. Thanks Mike for your stream of consciousness- it is mind opening!
Callie says
We are all sending fervent thoughts of love and strength to you and Jill. This is so scary. But I know how strong you are, and I know what an incredible village you’ve assembled to support you. I know you’ll get through this. I just hate you have to. Day or night I’m a quick phone call away and ready to jump in to help with anything you guys need at a moment’s notice for as long as you need it. Bunches of love to you both!!!
Marguerite Hay says
Mike and Jill, I have prayed for you for years and I will continue. I will not stop.