Maybe this will explain why I’m being a little bitch right now. I feel great! I’m walking (once I creakily and slowly get up on my feet). I’m riding my bike as much as 60 miles a week. I’m playing golf again. We’ve been to a few events lately that have given me the great, great pleasure of dancing my ass off with the best looking woman in the room. I can hop up onto my Kubota tractor, fire it up and blast off into the woods and go any damn where I want to go. I’m not tethered to a bathroom. I don’t have feet that are so sore that I can’t walk on them without special soft shoes. My hands are hard enough to give a firm handshake and grip and twist a tightly secured jar top. And then….
BOOM! I’ve got another tumor. This time on the adrenal gland. It is growing and has got to be dealt with. IF, and that is important, if this is the only site of cancer in my body, surgery would take care of it. A few weeks of discomfort and I’m back walking, dancing, tractor driving, playing with my dog, playing golf. You get the picture. I’m NED again. I’m still not tethered to a bathroom and my feet, hands and tastebuds are good to go. BUT, and I get this too, if there are other cancer niblets floating around, a surgery won’t find them or remove them and I’m a ticking time bomb. At least I’d be engaged in life. I’d be Mike. Caustic, argumentative, pudgy, articulate, hopelessly in love with Jill, Mike. Still with only one thing trying to eat me from the inside.
The biopsy will be done on Monday. I’m assuming we’ll know a lot more about the pathology of the tumor after that and some of this might come clearer.
(I’m listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing “Praise to the Lord.” This rendition of this great song might be the most moving thing I’ve ever heard.) I wish I could post it here like I used to. The blog software has changed and it is not very easily possible to post music here. I’d rather have my notification system working well. I don’t think I can have both.
So, we’ll do the biopsy on Monday and leave town on Tuesday. The results will follow in about 5 days. Then I hope I’ll get another chance to consult with Dr. Pagliaro and Dr. Wood. It’ll be a different Mike that they talk to. The quiet (bullshit) one. The contemplative (Ha, Ha) one. The good listener (can you believe this?!?). I think I’ll get my tongue pierced before I go into the room or go a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson. Maybe my mouth will be so sore that it won’t work. I CAN do this.
I want this tumor to be gone and I want to keep my life just like it is. That is what is making me so crazy right now. If there is a way to have both and not put myself at greater risk of this cancer killing me, then I’m going to choose that option. If my not taking a TKI (sutent, or one of the other ones) puts me at greater risk of the cancer marching faster, then I’ll have to sacrifice some quality of life to lengthen my life.
These questions and the huge consequences are why I’m being a bitch. In case you wondered.
Peace out.
Be a bitch, you’ve earned the right!
Mike…I think you have every right to “bitch!” You are showing tremendous strength and courage in the face of this fight with cancer. I can’t imagine how tough it is. I appreciate you sharing the battle with us on your blog. I continue to pray for you and Jill.
I would be a little bitch too! Hope it doesn’t come down to that.
I agree with Jack. Be a bitch. Be THE bitch.
I am at a loss for words. My heart panged while reading your blog entry today.
I am so sorry. Prayers will continue..always.
Mike, Go to youtube and search “where’s the little girl”. It’s a couple minutes long, but it’ll put a smile on your face. -jason
There seem to be more of us wandering around the kidney cancer cosmos. A few years out from diagnosis and Neph., then NED for awhile, and then a progression. Yikes; what to do. After three years NED I had a progression in my right lung. Just a little bugger but definitely there and growing. What amazed me was how many different ways there were today to treat a new met as compared with treatment at diagnosis in April of 2007. I’ve selected focal beam stereotactic radiation and will begin treatment on the 30th. I fully expect to Be NRD again by the end of August.
I’m also very interested in what transpires with others that need treatment with various types of progression. It’s almost certain that we will continue to have progressions in the future. Is this what they were talking about when I was dagnosed; treating kidney cancer as a chronic disease? Maybe we should form a “Chronic Cancer Club” and stay in touch on ways to treat these nasty little interruptions in our lives.
On you bitchiness looks good, and well deserved. Be a fighting bitch! It works.
I think “bitch” looks good on you – for a little while. Then you have to return to the old Mike we all love and admire.
TKI isn’t the end. After being on sutent 50mg for two weeks and having every side effect there is, I was changed to 37mg. Did 37mg for 9 months. Now only take 25mg. Side effects are manageable. I have 3 pesky tumors in my right lung but have been stable for a year. Do I feel 100%? No – but I golf, ski, dance and live my life to the fullest. You can do this.
Wow Mike! I love reading your blog. I wish you the best on Monday and am praying for great news. YOu deserve it. Keep on fighting! I swear that is what makes the difference! Ed and I are thinking of you and Jill often. We love you man! Keep a good attitude and you know what? It’s okay to be a bitch sometimes!!
Mike….love you just the way you are!
I have a t-shirt that I need to find & loan to you! A dear friend who knew me very well gave it to me. It says in large letters:
“I’m not a bitch
I’m THE Bitch,
and that’s MS. BITCH
to you!”
We can easily change Ms. to Mr.! LOL!!
Love ya, Leg Makeup
Mile & Jill, Praying that all goes well on Monday . Lobe, Paul & Teresa
Praying with and for you. Love, Tammy
It’s normal and okay. We’ll be praying that Jill can handle it. Ha! Also praying for peace, strength and healing.
“B”eing “I”n “T”he “C”ancer “H”old…I think you have every reason to bitch…and be a bitch. The sobering thought is… what is my excuse?! Bless you both and know the NC prayers are still coming your way. So thankful your care has never fallen short of the very best there is!
It’s good to be self-aware. It’s also good to know you have a good thing going and to be willing to fight tooth and nail for it. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of fight in the dog. You, sir, have a helluva lot of fight.
Mike I am with you. These drugs scare me because when they stop they can help the cancer run rampant. If at all possible I want surgery on my son.
To answer your last sentence, none of us are wondering, those of us who know you and love you know, at least somewhat,your anxiety and we understand.
We love you more than you know and you know that God loves you more than anyone does.
Gods Peace be with you.
Bitch all you want. You have a strong group supporting you. Cancer sucks.
Good luck in the morning. We will be thinking of you both!!!
Tripp and Alice
I can’t begin to imagine what an agonizing trip this has been for you both. It sounds like you have a firm grasp on the options (and their repercussions) that lie before you. They are the doctors, but as you said, it is your life. Hopefully on Monday you and your doctors will be able to come together as a team and settle on a decision you can LIVE with. And you living your life in full-force, unapologetic, unadulterated Mikey style is exactly what your Venable Network continually hopes and prays for.
Much love to you both!
Callie
Bitch all you want, Mike. After all the things we go through as cancervivors (love that word!) you are more than entitled. I find that once I have a crab/bitch session, I’m able to cope better afterward. Sending you lots of good wishes for Monday.
Keep being “you”….thinking and praying for you everyday, Cuz…love you;)
Mike, you know that you’re in my thoughts and prayers. This cancer is “the wind that blows”. It’s not “the wind that blows” that will determine where you arrive. It’s your “set of sail”. Maintain your positive attitude. Stay the course. Your desired destination awaits you. In Him, Mark