Maybe this will explain why I’m being a little bitch right now. I feel great! I’m walking (once I creakily and slowly get up on my feet). I’m riding my bike as much as 60 miles a week. I’m playing golf again. We’ve been to a few events lately that have given me the great, great pleasure of dancing my ass off with the best looking woman in the room. I can hop up onto my Kubota tractor, fire it up and blast off into the woods and go any damn where I want to go. I’m not tethered to a bathroom. I don’t have feet that are so sore that I can’t walk on them without special soft shoes. My hands are hard enough to give a firm handshake and grip and twist a tightly secured jar top. And then….
BOOM! I’ve got another tumor. This time on the adrenal gland. It is growing and has got to be dealt with. IF, and that is important, if this is the only site of cancer in my body, surgery would take care of it. A few weeks of discomfort and I’m back walking, dancing, tractor driving, playing with my dog, playing golf. You get the picture. I’m NED again. I’m still not tethered to a bathroom and my feet, hands and tastebuds are good to go. BUT, and I get this too, if there are other cancer niblets floating around, a surgery won’t find them or remove them and I’m a ticking time bomb. At least I’d be engaged in life. I’d be Mike. Caustic, argumentative, pudgy, articulate, hopelessly in love with Jill, Mike. Still with only one thing trying to eat me from the inside.
The biopsy will be done on Monday. I’m assuming we’ll know a lot more about the pathology of the tumor after that and some of this might come clearer.
(I’m listening to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing “Praise to the Lord.” This rendition of this great song might be the most moving thing I’ve ever heard.) I wish I could post it here like I used to. The blog software has changed and it is not very easily possible to post music here. I’d rather have my notification system working well. I don’t think I can have both.
So, we’ll do the biopsy on Monday and leave town on Tuesday. The results will follow in about 5 days. Then I hope I’ll get another chance to consult with Dr. Pagliaro and Dr. Wood. It’ll be a different Mike that they talk to. The quiet (bullshit) one. The contemplative (Ha, Ha) one. The good listener (can you believe this?!?). I think I’ll get my tongue pierced before I go into the room or go a couple of rounds with Mike Tyson. Maybe my mouth will be so sore that it won’t work. I CAN do this.
I want this tumor to be gone and I want to keep my life just like it is. That is what is making me so crazy right now. If there is a way to have both and not put myself at greater risk of this cancer killing me, then I’m going to choose that option. If my not taking a TKI (sutent, or one of the other ones) puts me at greater risk of the cancer marching faster, then I’ll have to sacrifice some quality of life to lengthen my life.
These questions and the huge consequences are why I’m being a bitch. In case you wondered.