After my last Thursday meeting with Dr. Pippas, we’ve circled back around now and I’m on the full 800mg daily dose of Votrient. As I suspected, my quality of life has taken a noticeable hit. The superficial — and easiest to handle — change is that my eyebrows went stark-white within three weeks on Votrient.
My new hair is snow white as it grows in and white is winning the battle over light brown. Right now, I look like I’ve been coloring my hair, but have decided to give up and stop. There is a one-inch band of pure white hair coming out of my scalp and each successive haircut will reveal more of the white. My women (if you know me, you’re aware of the passel of sister wives it takes to run my life) say they like it. That it gives me a distinctive look. I think it makes me look like Father Time, but it is what it is.
The side effects of the medication that are anything but superficial and are very difficult to manage are the gastrointestinal issues. Nausea and diarrhea are a constant stealthy threat. Stealthy isn’t what you really want with these guys. I’d much rather see them coming so I can be prepared. But no, they just jump right up and bitch slap me at a moment’s notice. Not fun right now. Not fun.
I still can’t taste, although using plastic utensils and taking zinc have made my tastebuds more intermittent than a total loss. There are some things that I still can taste. I’m thankful for that.
Thanks to my brother, Eric, I got to ride along on my first quail hunt last Sunday down in Albany. I went with a borrowed shotgun that I had never fired and I was nervous as hell about what I was supposed to do. We got the safety talk and because of my weakened legs, I was allowed to get out of the buggy and be ready for the first covey rise.
Here’s the scenario: I have determined that my left eye is my master eye. This is probably why I haven’t ever been able to hit anything shooting a right-handed gun. So, I went with a borrowed over and under shotgun, which I shouldered on the left side. The first covey got up and I picked a bird and dropped it with my first shot. I got so excited and nervous, the next four shots were all attempted with the safety on. Let me tell you, that almost never works. You can’t shoot a bird when the gun won’t go off!
I was over-thinking all the safety concerns (if that is possible…I don’t think it is.). Worried about shooting that expensive, beautiful bird dog. Worried about pulling a Dick Cheney and shooting somebody. Worried about looking like a dumb ass in front of my brother and his friends. (I’m pretty sure I blew that one, though, with the four consecutive attempts to fire the gun with the safety on.) I got tired really fast and decided that I’d go out while I was ahead and take my place back in the bird buggy. I think I hit every bird I shot at. One. Technically, the safety-on misfires were called strikes, so I can’t claim I batted a thousand. Let’s just put it this way: I got a quail. I got to experience what a luxury, high-end quail hunts looks and feels like. I got to spend some good time with my brother and some of his best friends. And, If I had had a trunk full of Japanese toilet seats, I could have made some money that day.
I have been wanting to tell this story for months, but have been worried about how it would be taken by the male readers of this blog. So, Sunday, I tried out this story on a dozen or so of the manliest guys I know. They’re all rugged outdoorsmen. They like to cuss, drink, lie about women, shoot guns and grill large chunks of meat. I’m thinking this is the perfect crowd to test drive the Japanese toilet seat story. So I let it fly.
Some background first: I have given my sons some serious advice about how to keep a relationship fresh. There are a couple of bodily functions that should NEVER be shared with your mate. If it is possible to have your toilet in a separate room with a door, than that is what you should always shoot for. Anything that you’d do or any sound that you’d make while sitting on a toilet should be kept there behind that door. As long as you keep this to yourself, your relationship will always have a sense of mystery and have a better chance of being kept fresh for the long haul. This has been my philosophy and my sons will attest to the fact that I’ve counseled them in this regard.
So, let’s move on to the days after my back-to-back back surgeries. I had the excruciatingly embarrassing need for hospital techs to clean me in the bathroom on several occasions while I was still in the hospital recuperating from major back surgery. I couldn’t bend and reach like before the surgery. All I could think about was that someone was going to have to do this for me after I got home. By the time I got home, thankfully, I was able to take care of myself, but the horror that one day I might not be able to just stayed on my mind.
I started investigating Japanese toilets several years ago. They were unbelievably expensive when they first hit my radar. A couple of thousand dollars was the going rate and they were generally a modified, electronic entire toilet. Now, they have been engineered to be an electronic toilet seat that will simply replace the seat on most types of toilets in use today.
Okay, we’re back to Sunday in south Georgia. On a quail buggy with a dozen cussing men. I described in very vivid detail about my Coco toilet seat, what it does, how it does it and how it makes my life more comfortable and more easy and private. I swear if I had had a dozen of them, I would have sold out that day. I don’t know when I’ve been more uncomfortable at the start of a story to have it go so well. The Sunday story at the quail hunt was my warm up for this blog post.
I ordered the Coco 9500R a few months ago and despite my rather unhandiness, I was able to completely install it by myself, including retrofitting the electric wall plug to a GFCI (ground-fault circuit interrupter) plug. It took only about a half-hour to do the wiring and replace the seat on our Toto elongated toilet. I can easily say that this incredible piece of electronic equipment has changed my life. Now, I’m prepared for whatever life throws at me and I can be confident that I’ll be able to maintain my dignity in the bathroom and the mystery in my marriage.
I wasn’t able to find anyone who sells these locally, but if someone steps up and confirms that they sell this seat locally, I’ll give them a special advertising deal in Columbus and the Valley magazine so they can let people know about it.
Please accept my apologies about these blog posts being sparse. This medication has, among other things, rendered me unable to write, at least write to my satisfaction. I’m hoping it’ll begin to turn me loose as my body adjusts to the dosage. I miss writing and from the encouragement I get when I see my great readers, many of you are missing these posts, too.
Rick McKnight says
Mike, I am laughing my a#* off at your description of the quail hunt and the toilet seat. You can still write!
Fletch says
V,
So apparently John Lennon only got half of his song right…happiness is a warm gun and a warm (private)toilet seat! Hang in there my brother.
David
Bob Ludwig says
I selflessly pray your good days dominate your weeks and months ahead. We are the beneficiaries of your insights and your humor. Keep your safety switch off. Love your aim!
Michael Venable says
Just the oldest son here checking in to confirm this advice was given to me at least a handful of times throughout my life… Probably an equal amount of times with decent context. The other times came out of the blue and fall into the “Mike Venable Where The Hell Did That Come From?” area. Either way pretty solid words of wisdom. I had one of those specialty seats in our hotel in Hawaii last year. Quite an experience.
Patty Branch says
Mike, you can still write! And so funny! I pray that your side effects from meds ease up, most of all I pray that the treatments help you beat this thing! The white hair will probably make you look even more distinguished and wise! Stay strong my friend! Love to you and Jill!!!!!
Robin Martinez says
Mike, that was funny and informative — proof that your writing is still up to snuff!
Liz Kendrick says
Love it, love it!! Did you get the bidet as well? OMG if you don’t watch out you’ll inspire a whole bunch of us to get in line at your front door. It could be a party, just BYO-TP. Cold days you can serve coffee and cocoa, warm days – sweet tea!
Not to worry about your writing skills guy, they’re still fully intact. No chemo brain for you. Love you bunches. You’re always in our prayers. Love to Jill.
Liz and Tom
Jill says
Never thought of the words “bathroom etiquette” and “Venable” in the same sentence before, at least in my experience. There is no shyness on your brother’s part in that department! Clicked on the link to the Coco toilet seat and was very impressed. Everyone will want one now! Keep writing…you have never lost your talent! Love you and yours!
Dianne Henry says
Mikey, your writing skills are still way up to snuff, whatever that means.
Also, to quote my old man, too much book learnin’will mess up your shootin’ eye. so you are just too damn smart.
Enjoyed Sunday! You and Jill are great hosts! Thank you so much, and love.
Eddie and Nancy Reid says
So glad you got to experience a quail hunt, hope you will get to go again.reading this made me remember my first quail hunt. Nancy had just given me my first shotgun(single shot 12 ga. 1959) and I went with her dad and grandaddy ( Toby’s dad). On the first covey rise N’s grandad shot three times and killed three birds, I unloaded my gun and went back to the truck no need for me to get emabarrassed by me missing every shot I might take!!
Had a wonderful time at your home on Sunday, thanks to Jill and you being our hosts.
Eddie
Debbie Hinman says
Mike,
Your ability to write has amazed me since Britt David Elementary School. Keep writing…you are the best!
Your humor is amazing as well.
Praying for the “good days” to take over any day now. Keep on fighting…you are mighty tough.
Debbie
Sandra Okamoto says
Trust me. There is nothing like a warm toilet seat in the winter. Or any other season. You just don’t know. Mike is being very truthful. Japanese toilets are the best!
kaydee1215 says
I have a place on my FB page dedicated to the magnificent Japanese toilet. I was in Tokyo a year ago and decided, without equal, Japan had the best toilets on the planet. Warm water directed here and there, warm seats, and the public ones even have ambient noise (ocean, birds, etc) to cover any “functional” sounds one might make 🙂 It’s a beautiful thing.